There's this bus conductor - let's call him Melvin - was so bad at driving, he was bumping old ladies everywhere. To start out, he went to Germany and got a professional driver's license and got a job as bus conductor (that's a driver). When old ladies would board he'd suddenly move, and one time, an old woman who was boarding got her hand stuck while the bus was moving!
Melvin was so bad at it that finally the board had to let him go. But since they still had hang-ups about racism and all the Nazi stuff, they helped him to Britain so he won't be a load on their conscience. So in England, he finally got a job (again!) as a bus conductor. And he went through the same motions. One day he nearly drove over an old man. And so they had to let go of Melvin again.
So Melvin moved to Spain and got a job as a bus conductor, and this time he nearly hit a kid. Imagine the siverguenzas! and the angry admonitions. He would've been prosecuted, but see, Melvin was a Filipino, and there's just this colonial hang-over, and so Melvin was sent to the U.S.
Melvin arrived in New York and got a job as bus conductor again. And this time he rushed head-on into a crowd of walking people. And there was just body parts and blood everywhere. People thought it was another 9/11!
This time Melvin was prosecuted and got the death sentence. This was such a big thing that it got the media's attention. On the day of his execution, everyone went to see him.
So Melvin was sitting on the electric chair, they put the cap on and all the executing stuff. The executioner pulled the lever. Melvin's head slumped, and everyone thought Melvin was dead. A few seconds later, Melvin raised his head, and of course everbody was surprised.
"It's probably the cap's not screwed on right," said the executor. And so they adjusted and made sure everything was in place. They did the same thing again and Melvin's head slumped. But a few seconds later, he raised it again.
"It must be the voltage," said the executioner. So they put in more voltage and whacked Melvin with more electricity. But Melvin moved again.
And so they put on more electricity and New York got a brown-out. But Melvin just wouldn't get electrocuted. Then they connected the whole US electricity lines, and when that didn't work they connected it to Canada's. And so they whacked him with more electricity, but Melvin remained unfazed. so they connected the lines to Europe. But Melvin couldn't be electrocuted.
Finally the mayor of New York decided to let Melvin go. "We've already killed him many times over; we'll have to let him go."
So Melvin went scot-free. And so he went home to the Philippines. His father was glad, nevertheless surprised. "How come all that electricity didn't kill you?" asked his father.
And Melvin said, "I don't know Dad, I guess I'm just a bad conductor!"
(Honk! Honk!)
